Despite the best intentions, a relationship can end. It might have been brilliant, the best. It might have been absolute hell. But for whatever reason it just didn’t work out. It can be devastating. It can shake us to our very core, feeling like we’ve lost a part of ourselves. It’s heart breaking. One side often feels more hurt than the other, more wronged and more broken.
It can feel like bereavement, and how we process and work through the pain of a relationship break-up often follows the stages of grief.
But you don't need to struggle through this on your own. We can help you through this difficult time. Get in touch and we can explore how we can help you.
The following coaching tips from The Crisis Book is reproduced with permission and thanks;
There’s no denying that the pain we feel is very personal and unique to us. There’s always a reason why relationships end, but sometimes there doesn’t seem to be a rational reason and this makes it difficult to make sense of.
Right one. It can take time to find “the one”, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And this can take time, including going through, and ending, several relationships to know what you want or need.
Is it over? There will be lots of distressing emotions experienced. But have you really exhausted the opportunities you have in your relationship? Strong relationships often bond because the people in them have experienced tough times together, through good and bad, and worked through them.
Forgiveness. Perhaps there’s a time and place, but you will “move on” more easily if and when you can forgive your partner (or yourself) for the end of the relationship. Sure, you won’t forget, but you can learn to forgive. The act of forgiveness serves as an important healing process.
Opportunity. With an ending comes the opportunity of a new beginning. Who’s to say that there isn’t someone better about to come into your life?
Connection. You may want to hole up, lock the doors and hide away. But this can disconnect you with the world that can become your lifeline. It can also lead to depression.
Support. Build your support network with the right people for you.
Health and fitness. When you feel down and lethargic, exercise helps. It can pump nature’s own “feel-good” endorphin hormones into you and might enable you to connect with the outside world. Check with your medical doctor before you start exercising.
Shield. If you feel bad about yourself, guard against stumbling into negative or destructive behaviors.
Relationship yoyo. If you find yourself continually jumping from one relationship to the next, leaving a trail of “exes”, stop for a moment and consider what’s going on. Is this what you really want? What are you gaining and at who’s expense? What are you searching for?
Positive mantra. Repeat to yourself all the reasons why you know you’re a good person. It’s about looking after yourself and being kind to yourself. As a human being, you expect to be treated with respect and dignity, not because of what you have done but for who you are.